Epic Fail - Saying You're Sorry and Meaning it.

Today I had to do something no one enjoys: Apologize.

If I am being honest, I hate to admit I've made a mistake or that I am wrong. But when I have or I am, I do it. And, I mean it.

Most often my short comings need to be pointed out to me. Like most, I tend to live blissfully unaware of the many, many things I do wrong each day. I have a habit of misspelling metaphor (I usually add an e). I have a horrible aptitude for letting my fingers get ahead of me while I type. Sometimes these minor offenses do major damage, and today was one of those days.

Well, actually, the grammatical errors in question occurred on Friday but weren't made known to me until today. Recently, for a project, I had to write an article about someone I know personally. This article was intended to detail the person's accomplishments. Unfortunately, the glaring grammatical errors took away the feeling of pride.

This makes me so mad! Not at this person, but at myself. In trying to take something this person wrote, and fit it into a format, I inadvertently cut out key letters and key words that I wouldn't normally do. I'm not making excuses, I just want to be clear on how it happened. That day, I relied too heavily on the assumption that what I was cutting and pasting would be proofed. That's my fault. I shouldn't make assumptions - especially when I run the risk of hurting someone's feelings.

In truth, I feel terrible that I allowed those mistakes to be published. I let my friend down. I let myself down.

However, there are two upsides, if you're inclined to go looking for them, to this experience. The first is that I know this person is a good friend. It took great courage for my friend to approach me and tell me that they were upset. That's hard. That's a brave and mature act and one aspect of their character that I wish more people had. It's one of the many reasons I respect my friend.

The second is it allowed me to practice my listening and apologizing skills. Too often the person who is being confronted takes a defensive role. They make excuses for how things happened, and in doing this, they often interrupt and stop listening. When listening stops occurring, proper apologies are never given.

In his "Last Lecture" Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams, Randy Pausch said "Apologize when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself." These are words by which to live.

I let my friend do the talking, and when I apologized, I focused on my friend's feelings. I didn't allow myself to care how it made me feel; anger and embarrassment being two. I calmly let my friend know how sorry I am and how much they mean to me. It can be hard to not allow your own feelings get in the way of a proper apology. I believe apologies start with listening followed quickly by taking a moment to think.

Above all, mean it.

TamaRant readers, have you had a reality check like this? How did you handle it?