Halloween

It's November and now is a good a time as any to reflect on how I spent Halloween this year.

This year was yet another reminder to why I effectively loath all things Halloween. Well, that's not totally true. It's a well known fact I enjoy vampires and their myths. It's a well known fact I enjoy pumpkins and their spices. It's a well known fact I enjoy candy - chocolate specifically. It's a well known fact I enjoy carving things with knives. It's a well known fact I enjoy witches and wizards. It's a well known fact I enjoy ruby (or silver) slippers. Past that, I hate Halloween.

This year, I slapped on a pink wig, pink and black fish-net stalkings, and some red star earrings and headed out on the town with some of my friends. (20 Points if you can guess what 80s cartoon character I went as.) One of my friends played the part of a Dark Angel. Another, a Sexy Corrections officer. And still one more, a Masqued Beauty. We headed to one of our town's premier clubbing environments - got in free because the dark angel is friends with the ENTIRE staff (and another of our friends is a go-go dancer there) - and were treated to a very devilishly annoying night.

It was so crowded I could taste other people's sweat. That is a health violation if ever there was one. But the costumes I was exposed to were a range as colourful as the rainbow.

One girl wore her underwear, but she should have just come naked. I could see through the lace right down to her g-string. Where is her mother?! More importantly, I hope she gets paid for the photos that'll eventually end up on Facebook.

I saw 8 men in Speedoes and swimming goggles. They were Michael Phelps - but did I really need to see all that skin? Or body hair? I saw some very, very slutty Dorthys on their way to Oz. And let me not forget one unbelievably slutty Rainbowbrite. There was one Hermionie who needed to stop touching wizard's wands. Additionally, I saw lots and lots of men who will never get dates again, because of the blowup dolls they brought. And lastly, I saw one Co. Sanders who looked just like the chicken bucket he carried - I award him best costume of the night.

The thing that aggravates me the most about Halloween is the lack of respect people have for others. Apparently, the moment you put on a costume you're allowed to touch people in ways your mama would slap you for doing. Here's an example - while my friends and I were standing in the lobby area, taking a break from dancing, I kept feeling someone hit me on my butt. Hard. At first, I thought maybe it was my friend, the Dark Angel, but it wasn't. Then I turned around and saw a guy who I thought was the culprit, but it turns out he was an accomplice by standing between me and the offending guy effectively hiding the hitter - who, if I had had my way, would never procreate.

Had the Dark Angel not said something and stepped in, I would have kicked the offender, who was dressed as a corpse bride, in his genitals - with such force my hopes for his never-children would have been true. However, sadly, it didn't come to that.

There are a slew of other reasons why I'm anti-Halloween, but the utter disregard for your neighbour ranks top on the list.

Next Halloween, it's Vampire Merlot and some Harry Potter for me. You're welcome to join me, but leave your slutty costumes and your blowup dolls at home.