Today was one of those days that makes a girl question everything she's doing with her life. It started out okay. By "okay" I mean, "I got up and made it to work without too much trouble and enjoyed my daily granola bar and yogurt." However, somewhere just after lunch, but before leaving work things just took a nose dive - like a seagull after Doritos crumbs.
Post work I began thinking about the meaning of life. What drives me. What I care about. What motivates me. I called a couple of people to bounce some ideas off and was met with concern. I can't really be to forward with the details, but it boiled down to while they're happy I'm spending so much energy on my book they're not really sure it's the right place for me to be spending my energy on.
Ouch.
Here's the thing though. I don't care. For the first time in my life, ever, I'm in charge of my future. My book will live or die based entirely on how good my idea was and how well I wrote it. No amount of advertising from some hotshot NYC agency will make my book a success--because for said agency to have anything to work with I have to write it.
For me, what's even more thrilling is writing my book has done something for me that nothing else could. It's shown me that I am funny. I am creative. I am smart. I am fully of wit. I always believed I had a little of those things, but up until now I was never more convinced of its truth. And that has given me hope.
Never more than right. this. minute. have I fully committed myself to something. Never before have I been so passionate about a dream--my dream. Never before have I believed in myself and the thing I doing. Never before have I been so sure of its success.
It's a crazy idea but my extra time is going to be spent on me. I'm going to invest my time in myself and in what I believe is the right thing to do. I think spending my time trying to do something else or be someone else for someone else is utter insanity.
I don't care what anyone else thinks. I don't care if they think I am being stubborn, unrealistic, or some other negative connotative adjective--my book makes me happy. My book gives me joy. Writing it is an adventure; a wild and crazy adventure, like riding a house on a cyclone--but I'm confident that I'll land somewhere over the rainbow and when it's finished it'll come alive in bright Technicolor.
Today's word is debouch...because I will!
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3 comments:
I think its great, I wish I was talented enough to write a book.
Once your finished, I'd love to have you on The Ploy to talk about it. You'll just have to tell me where I can get a copy!
Thanks Mike. Should that day come...I'll come to AU and we can do it live. ;)
Hearts to you!
good for you! write on!
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