Don't Facebook Lurk Unless You want your Heart Cracked

As regular Ranters will know, I'm currently in the midst of writing a YA novel and as a result I've had many conversations with both my younger, 14 Year Old Self and actual 14 year olds. Let's pretend it's me getting into character or the minds of my characters. Yeah, just with that.

A common theme in my book and among teens in general is crushes-- the pining-over-someone-you-can't-ever-have-so-you-might-as-well-get-over-it crushes. The stuff of love songs, really. Having them. Dealing with them. What the heck to do with them?

When I was in the seventh grade Dean Cain was making his living as Superman on primetime television. It was also a well known fact that me and my best friend had the hots for men way, way, way too old for us. This is an actual conversation I had in the the back seat of my mom's car with my two best friends:

Me: Brad Pitt

Friend 1: Pierce Brosnan

Me: Brad Pitt

Friend 1: Pierce Brosnan

Me: Brad Pitt

Friend 1: Pierce Brosnan

Me: Brad Pitt

Friend 1: Pierce Brosnan

Friend 2: Dean Cain

A contemporary conversation would sound like this:

Friend 1: Nick

Friend 2: Kevin

Friend 1: Nick

Friend 2: Kevin

Friend 1: Nick

Friend 2: Kevin

Friend 1: Nick

Friend 2: Kevin

Friend 3: Joe

The guys may change over time, but any given Thursday you can drive carpool and hear this same conversation in just about any country in the world. And that got me thinking; what would be the result if you had the chance to lurk their Facebook page?

Actually, the question is just as valid for a non celebrity crush as is it a celebrity one. Maybe more valid, because they're reachable.

The resounding answer is disappointment and loss of magic. You will inevitably learn things you won't want to. The fantasy will become real. You will have seen who they are. Now, understand you tween Ranters, you will not have seen the real them. Instead you will have seen a hyper reality them where they have full control of their image.

There's a vanity to Facebook. We post status updates and leave wall posts because we believe we are cool and that our opinion matters. We want others to believe we're cool and that our opinion matters.

So now you're surfing this hyper-reality of your crush and suddenly you're faced with all the things you don't want to be true. They have a girlfriend. They sing in their shower. They're most like the Scarecrow and the color that best describes them is Burnt Sienna. Plus they're a fan of Flip Flops. But the worst part is, their wall is filled with posts from hotties. Not just any hotties but girls with porn star names and looks to match. Girls who make no shame in flaunting their...assets. Their airbrushed photos make the photo your sister took of you in the bathroom smell like aged cheese. You know, if photos could smell.

And now, your 14 year old self is filled with even more insecurity and that makes your self confidence level nonexistent.

Curiosity didn't just kill the cat, it stole its identity too.