10 Things that Annoy Me About Corporate Office Life

Too long to put in a Tweet.

I've been working in the corporate environment for a while. I worked part time at Steelcase during college. (I've also waited tables and helped people with ordering their eyeglasses.) Each place offers its own set of things that bug the crap out of me. I usually take it in stride because that's what working with other people means. And, I'll be the first to admit that I have my own faults that annoy other people. But here are the the top 10 things that really irk me on a daily basis.

1. Saying hello to me in the hall when I've never seen you before in my life.

Can't I just look at my feet and walk past you? Do I really have to acknowledge your existence? It's not that I am rude or impolite, it's that I don't know you and I'm on a mission to get to the ladies room before I have to explain why my pants are wet.

2. Standing behind me and looking at my computer screen when you step into my cubicle.

It's not that I have anything to hide. I don't. It's that my cubical is the only area of this place that is mine. It has my Ninja Turtles posters on the wall. It has my collection of coffee cups I can't part with. But mostly, it's because I want to look at your face when you're talking to me. I don't want you looking at the back of my head and counting my gray hairs.

3. When the 8.5 x 11 paper tray for the printer isn't refilled

People should refill it even when there is paper in it. I do.

4. Baby Show and Tell

It's no secret that I'm not the biggest fan of infants. I know that makes me a meanie because I don't find them cute and cuddly, but as long as they're quiet and don't smell I don't care. But the minute they make the glass on my monitor start to crack from their shrieking, please take them to the lobby.

5. Coworkers who use the chicken peck method to type. (But at least it's more legible than chicken scratch.)

It just amazes me how many people do not know how to type with all 10 fingers.

6. Coworkers who ask me if I am dating someone and when I will start to have babies. (This happens frequently after #4)

I am not flawed because I am single. I am not flawed because I can't fathom the idea of something growing inside me like a parasite. I don't want to hear you tell me you have a nice nephew that's my age or that I'll love having kids when they're my own. Bottom line...I like my life the way it is and if it changes in any way I'll be sure to write a note on my white board.

7. Hearing grammar that makes my ears bleed and my nose run from the aneurysm it induces.

I know I don't always speak perfect. No one does. But anyone who's passed high school English knows that "I says to him" and "I seen that report" is the kind of spoken grammar that makes English teachers cry and unicorns die.

8. When Quality Assurance tests Chocolate Chip cookies three days in a row at 10am.

It's just evil. I'm trying to lose weight.

9. The need to bring in food for holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, retirements, or just because you baked something.

You're giving me diabetes. Stop it.

10. The cellulite I have acquired from numbers 8 & 9.

Enough said.